OH SNAP!!!!!

I have performed only twice this month. I'm working my butt off to earn some mad money by teaching summer school near midway and by teaching stand-up for the Second City training center's summer camp. One of my performances was to warm up the crowd before my summer camp students attacked the mic with full frontal hilarity. The other was this show at Chicago Underground Comedy at the Beat Kitchen:



I mention all this because 1) I think that was a fantastic performance and 2) to show you that my bike peddle looks like this:



Whoa! Where's the peddle? Oh, here it is:



Let's try to put them back together:



Not going to happen. Most of ya'll know that I do not own a car, and use my bike as my primary means of transportation. So to get to Midway where I'm doing summer school, I take a combo of train and bike. My peddle snapped right as I was leaving school which made for a longer trip back home.

"So crankarms snapping like twigs, is that common on KHS bikes that are only a year old," I ask the nice people at Uptown bikes where I purchased it. Turns out the answer is no. Not at all. They have only seen that happen once before. It should be covered under warranty and other then missing my bike for a few days everything should be fine.

I'm just amazed that a one in a million (probably even longer odds) occurrence occurred, and I won absolutely zero dollars. In fact, the only thing I won was a bruised taint from hitting the top tube on the way down.

I keep trying to figure out how it might have broken. Am I being secretly sabotaged? Though that is the most interesting theory it is about as likely as me being haunted by a demon poltergeist who hates bikes and my taint.

What I think happened was that I had a sudden explosion of super strength. So I'm a secret sometimes super hero. Bad guy crankarms better watch out! I'll snap you with my sometimes super strong quads! OH SNAP!!!!

KILLER POLLO!!!!!!!

I'm teaching summer school to 8th graders on the south side of Chicago right now. I gave them a character assignment last week. They had to write 10 character traits and then draw a picture of the character. Then they had to write who, what, when, where, why of the character. Some went so far as to start a story with the character. Here is one:



Yup! That's a character named "Killer Pollo" who is creeping up to kill the nation's first dinosaur president. Here's the story the student wrote (note that this is a rough draft so don't judge the grammar and spelling errors):

Killer Pollo is in Mexico after being deported from the U.S. Today we find Killer Pollo in his apartment trying to find a job. "Pollo" the land owner said. His name is DAVE who moved to Mexico from the U.S. because of his criminal record. "Que gringo," Killer said. "Estoy buscando un trabajo," he said to Dave with a furious look and started to yell and bang the door. Killer Pollo left his apartment through his window. Walking through the streets, he notices an "ad" in the news paper saying, "Bounty Hunter wanted." He picks up the paper and reads the ad. "That's it," he said. The next morning, he receives an envelope. In it is his assignment. The task is hunt down...

Yeah! It just ends like that because he ran out of time. I take it Killer will end up going to kill the president. But I don't know if it is the president of Mexico or of the U.S. This is embarrassing but I cannot remember which country currently has a dinosaur president. I should try harder to keep up with current events.

I'm being so Mayo right now

You're right absurd commercial, I need to stop being "so mayo". Tomorrow I start teaching summer school for a month. It's good to teach and get paid which is nice. BUT I'll be traveling all the way down to Midway every day for a month, AND I have no car. Plus, I'm teaching a stand-up day camp for high school students, AND I'm doing a workshop for Chicago public school teachers on how to let their students do stand-up in the classroom to help with learning. This month might end up kicking my ass. Ooof!

But I'm still so mayo. See those guys in the commercial? They are showing their awesomeness through rooftop BBQ and expensive urban fashions. They're bucking the establishment so hard that they eat fake mayonnaise! Not like that sad sack who's sitting on a lawn chair being fat and boring. Boo! Boo to you sir! How dare you sit down and relax on the roof on a summer's day! You're so mayo! And...that looks real comfy...you mind if I sit down and glare at this rooftop of beautiful youth who are trying to hard? Ahhhh...now that's some good mayo.

I think if I HAD to identify myself with a spreadable sandwich topping, I would be aioli. Because I'm delicious, under appreciated, and stuck up but in a charming European sort of way. My party would look like this:




Now that's a party. But I'm not that much fun. I would be like the European version of fake aioli:



MAYO 4 LIFE!!!!