
- Dentists are used car salesmen
- Dental offices treat tooth care like a religion
My teeth are far from perfect. I have a gap in the front teeth, and they are unevenly spaced because my upper adult canines did not grow in (disappointing proof that I'm not a werewolf) and I once caught a line drive with my face. I've got a bridge and a crown and the only person who notices and/or insults my teeth are dentists.
Dentist: "You know we have options for improving your smile."
Me: "The only option I want to hear about is you doing your job and shutting the fuck up."
I distrust dentists so much that when I went to one in June and he told me I had two small cavities, I did not believe him. Probably, because they were trying to convince me to get some $800 periodontal work done and that I should pay extra for white filling instead of the insurance covered metal filling. Now the cavity I thought was a lie is asserting itself empirically into the nerve of the tooth.
Which brings me to number two, dentist need to lighten up. I called to get the cavity fixed, and the guy at reception was sort of flabbergasted that I had not been back for months. He tried again to convince me to pay extra for pretty white fillings. I said no. He then treated me in a way that could only be described as unclean or outside of the holy laws of dentistry. To the dental offices horror, I am perfectly happy with imperfect teeth and am, therefore, an abomination.
Look, I get it. Teeth are an indication of social economic status. Right now my SES is about as low as my inflamed gum line. However, I don't care. If someone wants to judge me because they see a glint of metal fillings in my back molar then they love teeth too much. There are actual human beings attached to these calcified tissues, but if you love dentistry more than people, well, I have two fists that could help arrange a visit. POW POW!
I just need my teeth to function. My dream of having a glamorous career in mouth modeling passed from my being long ago. Dentists, just fix my barbarous face hole and let me be on my way.
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